#i just wish it was something that was explored more

[clockwork-hearted]

This was the first queer movie I watched in high school. I remember finally having good, strong WiFi and exploring YouTube one night. Was using my refurbished MacBook that I begged my dad to get me so I can have something to use for school.

I don’t remember how exactly I came across this movie (honestly was probably going through some YouTube rabbit hole of “movies where guys make out” or the classic “two men kissing” search), but it was the full length movie. And it was free.

I was so excited to watch it and see what kind of guy on guy action I would get to see. But being forced to stay in the closet growing up, I couldn’t just outright watch this movie while my parents were home.

So I bookmarked it. Made sure I even saved the link somewhere. And had to wait until my parents weren’t home.

Thankfully, I ended up realizing that I was a teen that was allowed to stay up late on the weekends. So I stayed up, waited until both my parents were in their rooms, fast asleep, and then I went into my room, closed the door (couldn’t lock it though. Locking bedroom doors was an offense that would cause a scene every time for absolutely no reason), plugged my headphones in, and snuggled up and watched it.

I remember sitting upright to start it then getting tired and deciding to lay down. Ended up laying the laptop on its side just so I could keep watching haha

And I remember going through the rollercoaster of emotions seeing these two characters having a connection but being so twisted up about it. Regardless of everything they went through, I still wanted that. I still wanted someone I could kiss passionately. Someone I could go to bed with and wake up next to in our own little world. Someone I could go to the beach with and spend all day with. Someone who wanted to push me for my abilities (don’t have any but it played into my fantasies lol) and strive to be the best I could be at them.

And then reaching the end of the movie and being so happy with it. I remember crying. Crying so much that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to stop. I remember shoving my face in my pillows to try and muffle my crying.

Oh, I learned to cry silently so very quick in my home. How I learned what it meant to be even more suppressed than I already was. How I had to learn to hold back all the choking sounds my throat would utter and just let the tears flow. Silently blowing my nose into tissues so I wouldn’t wake my parents and cause a scene.

“Why are you crying? What’s happening? What did you watch? What’s going on? Etc. etc. etc.” - yeah, like I was going to come clean about my emotions and be able to talk these things out. Pht. How I wished and how I dreamed that I could. Would’ve made growing up easier. But I didn’t have those kinds of parents.

So the first night I watched this movie, it meant a lot in such little time. Movies like this really saved me as a teen.

I started doing a deep dive into any and all other queer movies I could find online for free (but that’s a story for a different time).

Tbh, I had forgotten about this gem of a movie. Made me feel a little guilty for forgetting, mostly because it really helped me continue pretending, and knowing that one day I would find someone to experience beautiful moments with. It allowed me to realize that queer media (that wasn’t porn) was out there, that I didn’t have to feel alone, and that it was only a few key strokes and google searches away.

For anyone who read through this whole thing (I know I blabbed, but I really needed to get this off my chest and my mind), thank you.

And I also hope that even though the world can feel so against you, even in spaces that are supposed to be safe, that there are people out there that know and understand you and can relate to how you feel.

I know it’s always easier said than done, but hang in there. And if it all gets to be too suffocating, please remember there are resources out there to help. But please, please, please, don’t get snuffed out. Let yourself burn as bright as you can. Because at the end of the day, you will always find Shelter- whether it’s with family members, friends, teachers, chosen/adoptive families, online communities, etc. you will find it. And you will be safe. And you will be loved.

I wish you all the very best. May this movie and many others bring you as much joy as it did to me. <3

Shelter (2007) dir. Jonah Markowitz

[robbyykeene]

Potentially unpopular opinion, but I love that Miguel was an asshole again in the second part of this season! It’s a reminder that he’s a character and not just Johnny’s main support. I mean Robby didn’t deserve it at all, but it makes sense that Miguel couldn’t help taking his anger out on him. And I love that Johnny was on the receiving end of it, because it feels like the tension between them just went away for no reason.

Sorry if I’m bothering you!

You’re never bothering me, and I completely agree! They so rarely give Miguel any narrative agency these days, and like Johnny all it does is reduce him as a character. Miguel is a whole, complicated, messy teenager. He isn’t a saint. He isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes and has ugly unfair feelings sometimes, like every single teenager does. And I love when this show actually lets him be like this, lets him be wrong, lets him be a little bit of a dick to the people he cares about who don’t deserve it. Lets him be a real person with actual human feelings. And then also lets him take accountability for what he does wrong, apologize, show how much he’s grown, that he is a good person and a good friend. I love it truly, and it feels like it’s something that in a lot of ways hasn’t really been granted to Miguel since he fell off that balcony.

[wardensantoineandevka]

I think a lot of the responses to criticisms of Bells Hells at a narrative structure level simply are not grasping that a lot of the criticisms are centered on feeling like Bells Hells do not act with the intentionality or motivation to convincingly be a group navigating a difficult moral problem.

There's a lot of words about Bells Hells as taking a stand against injustice or as challenging the status quo or fighting oppressive systems of power and how that doesn't provide clear answers and thus results in uncertainty and lack of clarity, but the thing is that: is... Bells Hells personally actually motivated by that? ARE they, as a collective unit, personally seeking to do these things? Is that what they're motivated by? Are they as characters actually trying to solve or explore that question, or is that merely a question on the table in proximity to them? Ashton individually has a lot of feelings about that and has a complicated relationship to that question, yes, but IS Bells Hells as a narrative unit actually navigating that? Is that actually what they're motivated by? Is that actually what their mission statement or intent is?

A lot of the criticism is that this seems to be a vague concept circling, but at no point does it feel like the storytelling moves toward it with confidence and never does Bells Hells feel like they as a narrative element engage with that concept meaningfully. Everyone can try to unpack this supposed theme or narrative about complex political philosophy all they like, but the fact is that the criticism is that much of the storytelling in the campaign and the execution of Bells Hells as narrative tools with which to engage with that concept doesn't ever do anything more than look at it askance as something floating around in the air and then is very timid and uncertain about it as a potential motive, theme, or narrative intent.

Insisting that such big philosophical questions related to anti-oppressive political action engenders lack of clarity about the right methodology or best praxis does not actually meaningfully address criticism that boils down to "god I WISH Bells Hells and the storytelling itself ever felt like they were acting with enough motivated intent for me to believe they were indeed grappling with the indecision of how best to precipitate political change, instead of feeling like we're just nervously standing adjacent to the concept"

[lifenconcepts]

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

Hm. Just the umbrella term I prefer but perhaps otherkin in the sense of being some strange conceptkin and Divinekin who calls themselves angelkin over being this sensation of life and fate and existence as a whole.. I’m like- life. Just life. Life-kin, can I just say I’m me? I’m everything. Aaaaughehejjd also wolf therian. Beat me over that but also sometimes caninekin and like .. feeling like dogs depending on whatever mood I’m in and copinglink of a borzoi 💯

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? sort of answered it in the above but I love lists. From highest relation to least (I vary quite often, and mostly am okay with being human except for a few rare instances and exceptions): Life and existence as a whole, wolf, a mutt/random canine, and.. some muskrat 😿 I love them but how the hell am I litterally a muskrat- OH AND I HAVE HUMAN PAST LIVES but I’m still confused over them. Like, some random guy with a car who loves the nighttime and was treated like shit, uhh.. about 80s/90s and in his 20s- maybe USA or UK, also USSR but not sure if it’s the same guy. Also a butler or someone of the sorts in another, just having a bunch of various strange jobs (or maybe it’s who I want to be.. idk I always struggle with knowing what’s my subconscious or what’s my soul)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

Hm. Mostly mental shifts or something and the vague feeling of being a wolf but have had tail, ear, paw, and full body shifts. Also wings but they’re like random and in no way related to any identity.

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

Hm. I forget. Aha forgot- auh just being more understanding to those also like me and more connected to nature on an animalistic level and validating myself in my unusual-ness? Also sometimes craving the simple regressive state of being incoherent but understood, of being one with sensations and instincts but perceived by humans.. hehejdkjdhdhd

5/ What do you think of the community?

very nice! Also very sweet! Understanding of plenty, especially tumblr, but others may be more misinformed and rude elsewhere.. anyways just very sweet, good movement if I can call it that, it’s gained popularity definefely and for the better.

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

watching documentaries on canines, documentaries on ussr (don’t ask), forests and nature as an absolute whole (especially woodlands), and dog training videos. Fascinates me. Also being seen as a wolf. I used to go around telling people to call me Wolfy as a kid.

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

nope! Not really, and I find that great :)

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

trust your instinct and this vague feeling of feeling ‘right’ rather than any set of rules or expectations.

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

eueuhsgghhwcomplex question. Next! Aha kidding but like.. I want metal claws, and pretty metal gloves over my hand. Whatever that is. Hm perhaps also a wolf mask? Mm.. I don’t really like gear though, too ‘out there’ for me. I got a tail and paws and ears tho, but REALLY want wings— also kinda fucked up I don’t glow. Would drink glow sticks to glow- aha kidding.. unless-

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

mine specifically? .. evolved from thinking wolves are mad cool then seemingly wanting to be a werewolf then really thinking I could become one (with my varying degrees of wolfness and humanness) then finding splice with being seen as a canine or with one, and turned quickly to ‘yeah I’m a person but being a dog or wolf would be so damn cool’ and searching immensely on caves near me with the idea I would go exploring and find a genie and wish to be a shapeshifter and then live in the forest and convince others I was human then in the privacy of my own presence embrace my instincts and dreams of being a canine and now it’s just. Confusion mixed in with ‘was I faking it??’ feeling and some sense of ���but i like being human’ even with that same nagging feeling of sometimes just needing to be a dog for a bit to feel content in my skin and maybe it’s something leftover with my soul’s past life that I’ve gotten over or now transformed from being a childhood dream to merely related to the emotional state of freedom and being understood even with my strange behaviours and appearance that likely had been formed through having a nagging sense of not being understood enough even with being genuinely spoilt but trying to convince myself that nobody cared so I could excuse myself if I ever turned to drugs but then just finding ways to love and understand myself and finally realising that I am loved but sometimes my thoughts just aren’t understood because others have different views and then vowing to do my best to understand others and especially folklore creatures even after I- oh, have I went off script a tiny bit? Im wolf enough.

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

oh I’m an addict for answering this, thank you so much for tagging me! But.. I don’t know who to tag.. anyone who sees this! Perhaps @canines-crown ??

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[speed-world]

Hello!! If it's not too much to ask, can you write a cookie run kingdom au where y/n is a traveler? I just think that's the most logical way to somehow get them involved into stories and meet different cookies altogether. Maybe a few scenarios in which involve their encounters with the ancients before the main plot of crk?

A cookie stood with his sheep, observing the lands before him in silence as the winds howled and blew beside him. He was making his last few preparations before his journey, but as he turned around, he saw an unfamiliar face that appeared to be in awe of the lands much like he was…

“Oh, pardon me, but I’ve never seen a cookie like you before. You look so incredibly well and unbothered, may I ask if you have a secret to keeping your dough so healthy?”

“Oh, me? Hehe, I don’t think I have any ‘secret’ to my healthy or anything like that. I’m simply a traveler wandering Earthbread.”

“Really? So am I! I’ll be taking a pilgrimage to the Sugar-Free Road, and complete its 12 trials. What about you, where are you headed?”

“Wherever the earth and winds take me, I suppose. I don’t have a destination in mind, per se, but I’m so interested in exploring the marvelous depths across every corner of Earthbread! But, if you don’t mind me asking, what makes you want to venture to the Sugar-Free Road alone? Surely those trials can’t be the only reason.”

“You sound like you’ve been there before, is there something I should be aware of before I go?”

“Yeah, maybe don’t go by yourself. It’s a treacherous path that’ll leave you wishing you never went. I myself turned back when I was there because of how worn out I was. I would want to go back sometime, especially since I feel more accustomed to traveling to do so, but doing so alone is not something I’m doing again.”

“I see…well to answer your question, I strive to find the truth as to why cookies - those crumbling, incomplete, and not-so-sweet - all must suffer so. I wish for all beings of dough to be happy, and that is I will accept those trials. Hopefully I’ll find the answers I’m looking for at the end of the path.”

“That’s…that’s actually really nice! I respect that a lot, and I kinda feel the same way; wanting everyone to not suffer. But you won’t do well by yourself, would you mind if I tag along?”

“Really? Are you sure my goals won’t get in the way of yours?”

“Nah, of course not! You get to complete the trials and, hopefully, find your answers, while I get to see everything of the Sugar-Free Road and document it! Plus, I get to make a new friend too!”

“New friend..? Ahaha, I’m honored to call you friend too! My name is Pure Vanilla Cookie, and you are?”

“Y/N Cookie, a pleasure to meet ya Pure Vanilla Cookie!”

“Likewise, Y/N Cookie. I’m glad we’ll take this journey together!”

————————————————————————

The screeching roar of a dragon fills the air as it gradually got more distant. The dragon’s pursuer was aggravated, but still determined…

“Huff…huff…darn that dragon getting away, again!! I think I’m starting to loose count, is this the 80th time? No, it can’t have been that much…..argghh—! No matter, I’ll keep hunting it down and—!”

The bushes ahead of Hollyberry Cookie rustle as an astonished cookie stepped out, and looked to the sky where the dragon flew off. They were completely in awe and wanted to get a better look at the majestic creature.

“Woah!! Was that a dragon just now? I’ve seen glimpses of them on my travels, but that one was so close!! This could be a chance to really meet a dragon, maybe even feel its scales!! Hahaha, I gotta go now and—“

“Hey, hold it right there!”

“Huh? Oh, hey there! Are you after the dragon too?”

“That’s one way to put it; I’m hunting that dragon. I need to defeat it for the trouble its caused the Hollyberry Kingdom!”

“Oh my, I had no idea. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s quite alright, that dragon won’t escape me so easily! But, what brings you out here? And why do you want to see that dragon?”

“Ah, well I’m a traveler, you see? I want to explore every neat corner of Earthbread and all the specialties in between!”

“Really now? Interesting, it’s been awhile since I’ve met such an adventurous cookie like myself! I’m Hollyberry Cookie, pleased to meet you friend!”

“Y/N Cookie, the pleasure is all mine Hollyberry Cookie!”

“Well Y/N Cookie, what do you say we go hunting this dragon together? It’s always more fun to travel with a partner, and I’ll promise you to see every bit of the dragon up close!”

“For real?! Awesome!! Ohohoho, this is gonna be fun, I can’t wait to go!”

“Why don’t you tell me about your travels on the way? I’ll, of course, share you many of my own! I’ll even treat you to the finest berry juice my kingdom has to offer when it’s over!”

“Why thank you! I’ve never had berry juice from the Hollyberry Kingdom before, I can’t wait!!”

“It will be the finest you’ve ever had, you wouldn’t want any other! This is already becoming a fine adventure, hahaha!!”

————————————————————————

Black lightning and dark clouds...What's next, a blizzard that freezes your very breath? The scale of the anomalies is growing. The Cookies in the Frozen Snowfield are perishing one by one. While it seems logical for any cookie to avoid venturing out to such an extreme treacherous environment, two cookies were individually hiking up anyways. Although for their own reasons, their ambitions may align with one another’s….

“Hmm? Oh hey there, I wasn’t expecting any company here!”

“Neither was I…are you a cookie from one of villages affected by the blizzards?”

“Me? Oh no, I’m just a traveler passing by to witness something spectacular!! Here, listen closely—“

“Grrrrrr…..”

“Hhrrrrrraaaaaahh…..”

“The growls of not one, but two dragons-in one place!! I wonder what it is here that could’ve brought them here; ooohh I’ve got to see them up close!”

“You’re here for…sightseeing dragons? How strange.”

“You sound disappointed, is everything alright bud?”

“No. I am here to know more of the weather anomalies occurring through this continent. This harsh weather has caused cookies to suffer and crumble, and I refuse to let it endure another minute.”

“Oh my, I had no idea that was happening. I’m so sorry…”

“Pick your head up, you have nothing to apologize for.”

“Ah, r-right. *ahem*…let me help you.”

“What? No, I’m afraid I can’t. These cookies have suffered for too long, and I can’t risk another getting in the way and—“

“I promise I won’t get in your way. I’ll help aid those cookies with you; I have plenty of supplies to offer some kind of help, be it food or water or anything in between.”

“Hmm…very well then. I believe our interests might be more in common than I realize. Let’s not waste any more time and be on our way.”

“Of course! I’m Y/N Cookie, by the way, pleasure to meet you sir.”

“Dark Cacao Cookie, don’t mention it. Let us do our absolute best for the cookies!”

————————————————————————

Under the intense, near-intolerable heat of the desert sun, two cookies traverse the sands bearing wide smiles of determination. Both hold their own greedy ambitions, yet aren’t driven apart by each other’s desires.

“Hah, you know, I’m still amazed as to why you’re traveling with me to the old ruins. I was wandering the desert to find this marvelous treasure, but you just want to look at them, document them, and that’s it! Why go through such risks if all you want to do is go sight seeing?”

“Hehe, well I guess you could say that’s the treasure I’m hunting for. To see all the wonders of Earthbread, its beauties in its dangers, the uniqueness of every continent, I want to capture all of it and learn everything about it! Plus, it’s super fun to meet all kinds of desserts along the way, especially one as dynamic as you!”

“So interesting, you almost make me want to share the treasure I find with you; almost, of course.”

“I don’t blame you, heh. You wandered all this way for it, it’s only fair that it all belongs to you.”

“Right? I would’ve heard if someone on Earthbread had laid their hands on it first. But then again…I want to show my gratitude for your help. This journey would’ve been boring and perhaps fruitless if not for you; what is your name?”

“Y/N Cookie, a pleasure!”

“Y/N Cookie, I am Golden Cheese Cookie. I shall never forget all you’ve done for me! Your greed for the world is something to admire for eons; nearly as great as my greed for my treasure. You and I together shall be legendary!”

————————————————————————

Somewhere, in a secluded area relatively distant from the nearest cookie civilization, a lone cookie was weeping as she was suffering from a nightmare. A passerby cookie heard her cries, and wanted to know what troubled her so…

“E-Excuse me, hello? Are you okay ma’am?”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I… Oh…it was that same dream again. I’m sorry, I didn’t know another cookie was here…”

“No no, it’s alright, you didn’t bother me. I was just traveling by, venturing out to find some incredible things about Earthbread!”

“You were…traveling? Just freely and…eagerly going about across Earthbread alone? …..why?”

“Ehehe, I suppose why not? There’s so many incredible marvels about this world that I wanna see and experience for myself! There’s just so many things and secrets that I want to know about, how could I not be eager to see it all, ahaha!”

“….s-so carefree and curious…they’re just—“

“Hmm, you say something?”

“N-no, I was just muttering to myself…”

“….Hey, you hungry?”

“What? How’d you…—“

“You have crumbs falling from your hands, how long have you been without something to eat?”

“I…I do not know. I suppose it’s been a while since I’ve eaten something. Maybe I’m getting too lost in my thoughts…”

You pulled out a lot of food from your bags and laid it out in front of the cookie.

“T-that’s so much food! Shouldn’t you keep some for yourself if you’re traveling?”

“I got plenty more, don’t you worry. But if you were here resting from traveling, then it looks like you weren’t fully prepared. Is there any reason why you’re traveling out here?”

“Yes…I want to know the truth.”

“….the truth about, what?”

“Why were we, the cookies, created? Why were we brought into this world? Why were we created so small and fragile? If only all cookies were born strong, unbreakable. If only then…I…”

“Shhh, calm down, alright? Take a break for now, eat up. You can tell me more when we’re back out on the road.”

“I-we?! What do you mean, ‘we?’ I’d get in your way with whatever it is you’re after.”

“I’m not after anything in particular, remember? I wanna traverse and see all of Earthbread, and from the sounds of what answers you’re after, it seems like we may be going down similar paths.”

“….Perhaps you’re right. Okay then, I’ll go with you, to find the answers I’m seeking. …Who are you, exactly…?”

“I’m Y/N Cookie!”

“I’m White Lily Cookie. I’m…thankful for you, Y/N Cookie. I never thought I’d have anyone to help me with this, I figured I’d just burden someone else with my struggles…”

“Don’t mention it, I’m perfectly fine with it! No one should really be alone for a long journey; especially for the one you want to take. I’m more than happy to go with you, White Lily Cookie.”

“Thank you, Y/N Cookie…I will never forget your kindness.”

[lesbianherald]

hiii I’m curious : what’s your process for creating your stories? like character development, plotting, creating arcs, etc?

thank you for asking !!! i'm going to get way longer and more thorough about this than necessary I feel it in my bones so I'm going to read more this now (I included a few tidbits from my miro board for carry the blade :) )

it's such a mixed bag ! part of this is my adhd lmao, and part of it is because, genuinely, I think each story needs something different.

almost ALWAYS (with one rare exception of a sci/fi fantasy world I've been building for years) I start with character, especially in original work. Because character is everything it's who we're following it's what the audience/readership will grab onto. Usually I have a basic premise and setting already there, but I don't build on it until I get to know who we're dealing with in the story. And then after building up the premise, setting, and plot I do even more character work after.

sometimes.... sometimes I get really impatient to start and start writing half way through the planning process. But anyways.

so I come up with character. do the basics. think about what their deal is. What is the journey they need to have, the lesson they need to learn, what themes and emotions do I want to explore with this character? Why is she important to me? Why will she be important to others?

I also think a lot about relationships

i just wrote a coming of age dramatic comedy for instance, and for that one, I broke up the story into my protagonists relationships. Wrote out the arc/story of each relationship and then combined each of these arcs into the key points that made up the film. Each relationship I wanted to be relevant to her grieving process, as she had just lost her mother. IDK if that makes sense. I wish I could show you but unfortunately I cannot.

for fic its honestly similar, but we already know character, so I usually ask what about this character/these characters am I most excited to explore.

that being said, coming home came to me in the idea for what they'd be like in modern day, and then a single idea for a single scene - their first kiss in the lab. I wrote that first, then asked myself what the context I wanted to give it was. Of course, I changed it a little once I actually got to writing and fleshing out chapter eight.

but this fantasy fic i'm writing is a fun example. I'm building out a lot. I'm building out characters, the world, the themes. - using visuals to help me kind of guide myself.

but because I have adhd and get impatient. I am outlining throughout this process to keep myself entertained. perhaps ideally you'd figure out everything first then outline then write but my brain just doesn't work that way.

in fics, especially, the relationship is so important that I really like to see how the obstacles they face, both due to their own psychology and internal pressures, can reflect the themes, create tension, etc.

but i also like to reflect on side characters too - their motivations and desires. So they don't just become like - flat little reflections of the central love story.

Finally, and this i learned from acting theory mostly - but I love it - is in each scene I like to think of what each character wants, what they are going to do to try and get that, and why they want it. In this fic, wants are something I also look at from a chapter by chapter basis.

side note - and i'm only saying this this far down so hopefully not too may people will see it - but I do have a secret subplot going on throughout the first half of this story that the audience doesn't know about.

in order to make this work I've been mapping out everything going on behind the scenes, and making sure they pair up well with events that people reading will see. it helps me plant little hints and seeds while hopefully not giving too much away (secret subplot in blue, actual story in red)

sorry i know this is such a ramble I just took my meds and had a double shot of expresso so I am buzzing right now lmao! Obviously I'm not the expert and there's not only one way. And also it really is so different for me every time. It's important to think about what the story actually calls for !

[drdemonprince]

Thanks for talking about child sexual abuse and child sexuality. I have some clear and many hazy memories of abuse as a child. I was also sexually active at the age of 7 or 8. By that I mean my friend and I engaged in sexual activity on a regular basis. I believe she was being abused by her dad although she never told me that it was something I always had a sense of even that young. Anyway we didn’t feel that what we were doing was wrong as such, but there was one time in particular that my big brother almost caught us and I was terrified he would tell my parents. But aside from other people knowing we had no shame around it and how we felt about it and I’ve always felt kinda neutral looking back on it. But I have always been curious as to how that began and why. I don’t remember the details of how two 7 year old girls decided to get into bed together or what other conversations we had. But it did feel completely natural and fine at the time. It wasn’t until I was much older I started to realize that other kids that age weren’t into those same things. I first had sex with a boy at 13. I was a super slutty teen. Had the reputation around that. Didn’t have shame around that either. Was actually kinda proud of it. But I do think I equated sex with my worth as a human and thats probably tied to what I was taught as a child. That has been something that’s kinda haunted me my whole life.

Anyway I don’t know how this tracks with what you’re saying but it’s nice to be able to say these things somewhere and not feel like a freak. Being abused is one thing to deal with. Having sex at such a young age is more of a taboo and something no one talks about.

Thank you for sharing, Anon. It sounds like you and your friend were able to have positive, exploratory experiences together that offered a hell of a lot more safety and agency to her than the abuse going on in her life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, the only issue is the societal stigma surrounding it.

And beyond that, some kids are just sexual earlier than others. I have a cis, straight female acquaintance who used to gather around all the neighborhood boys and "play married" (as she called it) by asking them to let her suck their dicks. She has no clue where she got the idea, but it was all completely initiated by her and she has no negative feelings about having done it.

It might be *weird* to hear about, but if anything I wish that more women's first sexual debuts were that harmless, playful, and pleasant as that seems to have been for her.

Of course, there's an entire cultural backdrop that makes sexual exploration far more fraught and outright dangerous for children, and some kids' motives for exploring sexuality are patriarchal values, insecurity, and abuse, and that complicates things. But shaming children or treating them as defective for having interest in this massive aspect of human life does nothing to benefit them. We seem to be very very far culturally from being able to speak about this candidly, farther away from it than perhaps we've ever been in my lifetime anyway.

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 61

It's back to those two guys.

Before this, the only hint to what Kabru's life under his foster mother was a single panel in chapter 55 showing him being a bit annoyed at her hugging him. He commented that things will get tiresome if he has to ask for her help.

Honestly, it's always difficult for a parent to realize their children are growing up. It's probably even harder for elves since their children grow much slower. So an elf raising a non-elf would probably struggle to realize how quickly their kid is growing. It's probably a similar vibe to having a dog all their life and still thinking of them as a baby even when they're old.

This shot made sure you noticed all the scars on her arms.

Over the entire page this panel is in, her arms became more visible as Kabru kept talking about wanting to go into the dungeons and asking her to train him to fight.

Even if she is strong, she didn't walk out of dungeons unharmed. No matter how strong you are, death is always a possibility when it comes to the dungeons.

I almost feel like she trained Kabru wrong on purpose. As I've pointed out before, Kabru's fighting style is better suited to assassination than monster hunting. And the only glimpse we see of his training was him fighting her and her dolls. She wanted to make him give up on swordsmanship. But if that failed, not giving him the skills needed to actually explore a dungeon might discourage him as well.

Mithrun is pragmatic. Even if he might have any negative feelings about what Kabru pulled, it's not like he can get through the dungeon alone, especially since they ended up all the way down the sixth floor.

I do have to question how they ended up in the sixth floor specifically. I can understand ending up all the way down to the fifth floor since the subterranean graveyard stretches wider than the second through fourth floors, but the sixth floor is entirely underground.

The fall was entirely due to Thistle's magic, so he probably just erased everything directly below the area that collapsed, leaving an opening to the sixth floor.

Kabru confirmed a few things about the Canaries. The ear notches indicate the criminals in the group. Meanwhile Pattadol and Mithrun are nobles in charge of them. Do only guards have those fairy companions?

Kabru's notes on Mithrun mention black eyes are rare for an elf. Since his eyes seem to change color when he strongly emotes, there's probably something to that.

And of course Kabru doesn't find Mithrun interesting. Mithrun has no personality to speak of.

Got excited to see another shapeshifter. I really wish we got more recurring monsters throughout this series. Most of them just appear for one chapter, get eaten, and then never appear again.

And shapeshifter is its actual name since Mithrun called it that. When Laios's team encountered it, "shapeshifter" seemed to be a generic term for monsters like certain types of slime, succubi, or magic mirrors that use mimicry or illusions to infiltrate a group.

Mithrun has totally used his teammates as projectiles in the past.

While the fake Mithrun might look and behave exactly like the real one, there's no way it has the same information the real one has. When Laios's party encountered the shapeshifter, only the real Laios could explain what was happening. And the party identified his fakes because they couldn't chime in at all.

Since Kabru didn't know what a shapeshifter was, I'm inclined to believe the Mithrun on the right is the real one. He led the discussion on shapeshifters, and Kabru could have filled in the blanks allowing the left Mithrun to say what he said.

The Mithrun who suggested they leave to dispel the illusion, the one who contacted the canaries, and the one who was generally in the forefront of each group shot is also likely the real one.

Meanwhile, I can't tell for the life of me which one is the real Kabru.

This will be fun to see animated. I think the fairy switched between Fleki, Otta, and the guy who turns into a wolf. Fleki's name got dropped in the conversation.

Mithrun couldn't tell which Kabru was the real one.

Despite being a guard and (presumably) being second-in-command, Pattadol does not get much respect in the group. Cithis seems to be the real second-in-command.

Cithis said it will take about a week before they can come for the captain. On Laios's side, seven or eight days have passed since he parted ways with Kabru. So the Canaries likely are already deep in the dungeon when the Winged Lion warned Laios about them last chapter.

Love seeing how much psychic damage Laios has caused Kabru. This looks like the poster of a cheap B horror movie from the 1950s.

Haven't seen anything this poor in nutrition since Falin's skeleton.

Kabru is trying so hard to cozy up to someone who doesn't care at all.

He's treating Mithrun the same way his foster mother treated him at the start of the chapter.

Kabru is manipulative and always tries to see through people to figure out who they really are underneath. Ironically, Laios has given him an entirely wrong impression by just acting like himself and willingly sharing his bizarre interests.

From a physics perspective, this works and makes sense and I kind of hate that it does.

Since things like momentum and velocity are kept when teleporting, a falling object that is teleported in place but flipped upside-down would still keep its relative velocity. This would probably make for an interesting physics problem. "An object falling at terminal velocity is suddenly teleported upside-down causing its velocity to now go upward. How many seconds will the object move upward and how long does it take for it to return to falling at the same speed before it was teleported?"

Kabru and Mithrun have apparently found the Touden party's lost gear before they did. So they're only several hours ahead of the party at this point. I bet the shapeshifter from earlier is the same one Laios's party encounters.

The dungeon will provide various necessities when anyone in it wishes for them. Mithrun said to not wish often though. The dungeon is feeding off desires so it probably becomes stronger every time someone looks for a place to rest.

Big bombshell reveal.

So Mithrun probably was trying to be sympathetic to Thistle during their fight. Mithrun was also a dungeon lord and he may have been trying to convince Thistle to give up his title before whatever happened to Mithrun and his unit happens to Thistle.

Mithrun is stoic and unemotive, so him making these faces and these dramatic gestures while talking about being a dungeon lord means whatever happened was serious.

back

[hailturinturambar]

Since the release of Nosferatu, I've noticed that many people compare the dynamic between Ellen and Orlok to Sauron and Galadriel.

And after watching the movie, I understand what you're seeing. But I'll go further. Because you're forgetting the main dish, that couple that screams Orlok and Ellen.

To me, Orlok and Ellen don't remind me of Galadriel and Sauron, because all I can think of is Melkor and Nienna. Because Melkor is Evil Incarnate, the Enemy. The one who delights in the despair of his enemies. And Nienna is the one who cried for everyone, who suffers for the evil caused by Melkor, which is grief and sadness.

While Melkor is malice and cruelty, Nienna is grief and suffering. Ellen says that Orlok is her melancholy, her shame. And that's how I see the dynamic between Melkor and Nienna.

Because he is her melancholy, her grief, her suffering, her shame because she believed in him and begged for him. And Melkor only knows anger and desire, always blinded by his goals.

This is now going to be a small spoiler, so if you haven't seen the movie, it's time to abandon ship.

Yes, as I said before, I thought about Sauron the whole time I was watching the movie, I saw a lot of similarities between Orlok and Sauron.

But when it comes to the romantic aspect, I only thought about Melkor. And this final interaction made me think about them (Melkor x Nienna) so much.

[Orlok]: Love is inferior to you. I told you, you are not of humankind. [Ellen]: You are a villain to speak, sir. [Orlok]: I am an appetite. Nothing more. Over centuries, a loathsome beast, I lay within the darkest pit. ‘Till you did wake me, enchantress, and stirred me from my grave. You are my affliction. [Ellen]: I care nothing for your afflictions. [Orlok]: Yet, even now, we are fated.

I wanted to shout "Yes, united until the end!"

For what could be more intimate, more connected, than Nienna crying for all the evils caused by Melkor?

[Ellen]: You are a deceiver. [Orlok]: You deceive yourself. [Ellen]: I was but an innocent child. [Orlok]: And thought you I would not return? Thought you I would not? Your passion is bound to me. [Ellen]: You cannot love. [Orlok]: I cannot love. Yet I cannot be sated without you. Remember how once we were, a moment, remember.

Melkor and Nienna is a couple that Tolkien probably never thought of, but it would have been captivating to read. Is Melkor capable of love? I don't think so, his love would be like Sauron's at most, a sick love for power, for destruction, even though Sauron sought a cure.

Melkor could not love Nienna, but could he be satisfied without her? Now that is something I wish had been explored. He wondered how out of all the Valar, it was only she who pleaded for him? How she spent every day wandering in grief and sadness over his cruelties?

Just as the Shadow of Orlok pursued Ellen, keeping her in his grip, I thought of the Shadow of Melkor. For after he was bound and cast into the Door of Night, the shadow of Morgoth continued to roam Arda and his malice continued to be present in the world.

[But it also says that it could be Sauron's influence, but here I'm only talking about Morgoth.]

Could Melkor approach Nienna through his shadow, through his evils still present in Arda? Would he come like a shadow to her late at night, when the world slept, to try to deceive her gentle mind?

Oh, imagine Melkor in the Timeless Void saying "Come to me" to Nienna for all eternity!

Ah, curse the foundations of the earth because I can't stop thinking about them.

And by the way, yes, I will write the analysis of Elrond/Míriel/Sauron. However, I'm in a complicated moment and unmotivated, but I promise I'll still write.

[tranakin-skywalker]

Not enough about the clones being children and adults at the same time. They're 10 years old. They're fully grown. They're still little kids. They never got to have a childhood at all. They're terrifying soldiers. They hardly know anything about the galaxy except how to fight and how to take orders.

I want clones that have this childish wonder at the world, but being terrified to show it. Clones with the sense of humor of 10 year old boys. Clones who don't really understand what death is, not really. Not until they're on a battlefield and dying in droves.

[jesuis-assez]

Tim unconsciously sending/showing signals of his feelings for Lucy

[madbard]

I love shipping characters who hate each other in canon.

I love shipping characters who have had exactly one (1) conversation in canon.

I love shipping characters who have never met in canon.

I love shipping characters from different pieces of media.

It starts off silly. The notion of the pairing is so weird, so unexpected and seemingly dumb that it makes me laugh a little, perk up, look into it and see if this is really a thing.

And then it becomes a joke. Haha, look at this ship I’m shipping ironically, isn’t it silly, it would obviously never work out in canon but I’m looking at it and producing content for it anyway because it’s fun.

But as time goes on, it starts filling my feed. I start thinking about it - really thinking about it. Why did someone put these characters together in the first place? How would they really interact? How did they end up together, and why would they stay together?

What started out as a joke becomes a diving-off point, an opportunity to really think about both characters. The dynamic isn’t canon, so it’s yours to shape. The dynamic isn’t canon, so now you must delve into each character on your own, figure out how you perceive and understand both of them, learn to see them in a different light. What started out as a joke encourages you to dig deeper, think harder, fall even more in love with those characters as you consider the potentials which lie outside of canon, but which ultimately trace their roots through the core of the characters themselves.

Because by their very nature, crackships and rarepairs are not based on plot, and they are not based on canon. They are so seemingly random and odd that they disrupt your typical view of these characters, making you think more deeply about them. The non-canon ships you embrace or reject can inform your perception of these characters on a deep level. They can make you cry just as easily as they make you laugh. They add so much flavor.

And they can also be really, really funny.

[horrorknife]

common ground

part 2

[polterhaze]

Jimmy and Curly from mouthwashing are unironically such important comfort characters to me as crazy as it sounds. Their human portrayal does insane things to my brain as someone struggling with severe mental health issues and trauma.

I see different ugly/scary parts of myself in both of them. Stuff from my intrusive thoughts that scares me, the way system fails mentally ill, and such. So yeah, these two and their narrative regarding mental health and accountability matters a lot to me.

Also some of you are ableist as fuck in the ways you talk about Jimmy lmao. We can absolutely talk about his wrongs and the evil he has done without punching down people that hallucinate, are delusional or suffer from personality disorders.

EDIT: adding my tags because I am deathly afraid of being misunderstood

[sanasanakun]

I get why JimCurly is popular cause hot yaoi and Jimmy is the MC but it's annoying how Curlya gets villainized as some ungodly immoral ship when JimCurly is far worse in terms of morality. In my opinion, Anya and Curly have the most interesting connection/relationship in the story. There's so much potential for depth, angst, understanding, resentment (on both sides), healing, etc. between them. Easily my favorite duo in the game to study with my microscope lol

[mothmvn]

more cisgender women should be looking at cisgender boys' puberty as a menopause preview, honestly. i find that cis men treat menopause with more pause, ironically, because they recognise the emotional/physical rollercoaster - gee, your body is suddenly sweating absolute buckets and smelling way outside of your control? you feel gross, you keep growing patchy hairs in new itchy places, and summers have suddenly become unbearable? woof, been there done that, let's get you an ice pack and some gatorade buddy, i mean mom

until menopause hits them, cis women (among others) can sometimes treat male puberty as a gross horror that they are forced to mitigate the consequences of - ugh, men with their hair and their smelliness that they can't keep sanitised, it's a concession to live with them, it's a chore to share space with them. you know it's not just a Boy Hormone, right? this exact same testosterone will jump you in a dark alley 30 years from now, you can accept it before then or keep treating it like an enemy latched onto those around you